my first trip on the metra

it was about five months ago when my sister let me know she would be in the chicago suburbs during labor day weekend. a fifteen minute walk plus an hour ride on the train would get me about five minutes away from where she was staying.

i’ve never ridden a train before. okay, lie. i once rode a train in san francisco. i was ten, and my parents did all of the ticket buying and train mounting, ect. this time was all me.

my knowledge of the city is basically none. i know how to read and ride the trains and busses, so i’m good to get places… but once i leave the train or get off the bus, i am usually lost. my sense of direction is terrible. i become completely disoriented and have to collaborate with my phone to figure out where the lake is and whether i want to go towards it or away from it.

regardless, i easily took the train from my apartment for just one stop and had to walk about 4 blocks to the metra station. simple. until i walked two blocks passed (past?) w madison where the train station was supposed to be. okay, turn around. turns out w madison is only signed on one side of the street. i was not amused, but i was also early. no big deal. i decided to double check with a woman in scrubs (my mom wears scrubs sometimes… i bet this woman is like my mom) who was checking herself out in the reflection of a  building (i check out myself in the reflections of buildings… i bet this woman is like me).

“excuse me? do you know where ogilvie station is?” “what the hale do i look like? a damn map?” i gave her sad eyes, but she scoffed at me. she is not like my mother. she is nothing like me.

okay, i shook it off and kept walking. the same building that also served as a mirror had some signs inside. “METRA”. seemed legit. but i was looking for something with “ogilvie station” in script. something romantic. something railroad. oh, there it was. in tiny letters… next to the sign that says “no smoking within 25 feet of building entrance.” i took it anyways and blindly followed a man up an escalator towards more metra signs. i ended up following him towards multiple revolving doors only to realize there was a ticket booth! with a line… i had 15 minutes until my train left. plenty of time.

after waiting for about two minutes, three early-mid twenties men guys ran toward the ticket line. they were displeased with the line. i was displeased that two of them were wearing classic-style crocs. they asked if anyone had a train leaving after 8:35. mine left at 8:40, but no way would i let those croc-wearing dopes cut in front of me and the ten people behind me. apparently i was not alone, because no one even blinked at them. they got in line and continued to heckle people until a woman in front of me finally gave in. they reached to the ticket window and the woman behind it was hardly moved by their eagerness. they spit out some mumbo jumbo about being on a non-profit trip, ect, ect. he told her he loved her. i hate it when people use lines like that.

“i’ll love you forever if you get me a packet of truvia.”

“thank you for sharpening my pencil. i love you.”

saying things like that just depreciate the value of the word love… but more on that topic some other time.

long story short, the guys took their tickets and ran to the revolving door of their choice. we never had to see them again, and we all lived happily ever after. until i sat by what i decided must be the chi-town equivalent of a jersey shore guidette. aka, girls that go into the city for the night and take (what my sister called) the train (of shame) home to whatever suburb they crawled out of.

despite the girls, the rest of the trip was seemingly uneventful. i credit this to my iTunes library.

~

now for a little game i like to call: things heard on the metra 

“yeah, grandma and grandpa don’t really go to that mcdonald’s anymore… they are more going to the ______ one.” “oh, yeah, why?” “because it’s lots closer to where they go shopping and stuff. there’s lots of stores over there. like the kohl’s… and the jewel… and whatever.”

the girls sitting two seats behind me were giggling and projecting their conversation over the entire train. apparently girl #1 was texting a “douche bag” and girl #2 didn’t approve. girl #1 then discussed some recent sexcapades and sextcapades. they decided to go to walmart later that day.

there is a man in the seat across the aisle from me playing a game on his phone. from the rapid movements, i’m guessing candy crush or temple run.

a man behind the man playing games on his phone is resting his head on the seat in front of him (the back of game player’s seat). their heads are three inches from each other. neither seem to care.