little words

i like to live without regret. i think, “at one point, i wanted this.” and i live with my decisions. i adopted this philosophy when i was 17. recently broken up with, i was going to lots of parties, and drinking lots of alcohol, and making choices i felt needed some justification. that justification was “no regrets.”

looking back, i would not change one choice i made. but, i kind of do wish that someone (the current me – at 21) would have told (then) me (at 18) a few things. so that’s what this is: a letter (in list form, because who doesn’t love a list?) to myself at 18 from myself at 21.

maggie,

1. stay home for your first two years of college. go to community college – use your current scholarships, apply for new ones, and go to school for free. wait to apply to a school you really want to go to. wait to move to a place you really want to live. you are afraid to miss out on “the college experience,” i know. but you are not a “college experience” type of girl. you won’t join a sorority, you won’t be a beer pong champion (although you’ll develop a good shot after a bit), and you’re not into all - nighters. you won’t scream at midnight during exam week, and you’ll barely go to a football game. you can play the part extremely well, but is that you? don’t wait for your 21^st birthday to start being true to yourself. do it now. you deserve it.

2. take summer classes now. can’t stop, won’t stop. get into it now. take math now. get rid of trivial english classes now. you could finish your prerequisites in one year if you took summer classes. you could be semesters ahead instead of “right on track.” you were never a “right on track” kind of girl. why start now?

3. be single, but not alone. it is important for you to be by yourself. learn to be by yourself and love yourself. i don’t regret any relationship i’ve ever had, but i wish that you could learn to be single now. appreciate friendships instead of burying yourself in a boyfriend.

4. consider other people more. anyone will tell you that “now is your time to be selfish,” but don’t be like that. simple.

5. travel more. even if it is just a few hours north. you’ll appreciate the money you spent on experiences.

6. go out. you’ll never remember the night that you decided to stay home and go to bed at 1 a.m. after spending the last six hours on your computer with a bowl of popcorn. you will remember the night that you danced until 3 a.m. with your friends and had a few creeps hit on you in hilarious ways.

7. look in the mirror and like what you see. accepting your flaws isn’t okay. embrace what you look like. because even though you are similar to your mom and your sister, you are not a carbon copy. you’ve spent too much time thinking that you’re not pretty enough. not beautiful enough. not enough. it’s not okay anymore. you’re an adult now – legally! love what you look like because you are so many things and beautiful is one of them.

you’re not pretty in a weird way. you’re pretty in a pretty way.

8. stop apologizing for being successful. teachers don’t play favorites. you have earned every grade you’ve ever received because you. are. smart. & you. work. hard. do not let other people tell you, you don’t deserve something. you own everything that has ever happened to you.

9. “don’t let the bastards get you down.” “better to be lucky than good.” “endeavor to persevere.” “be nice to your mother, she loves you more than anyone.” “what’s up, bean?” “did you feed/take out the dog?”

listen to these things and everything else your dad says. he does your taxes and he loves you. you’re lucky to have him around.

10. do not let the opinions of others change who you are.

i think most of this list involves a lot of love, specifically self love. it’s important to be in love with yourself. you’ll spend so much time trying to figure out who you are and what you want. i’m not sure if these things will speed up, or even help, the process.

i also think it’s important to restate that i am 100% happy with who i am right now and what i’ve done in the past. it is important to live without regret. own every decision you’ve made, regardless of its outcome.

i think you’re great.