new year

i don’t think i’ve ever really made new year resolutions. but here are some goals i would like to achieve for 2014. also: are goal and resolution synonymous? because they sound like they could be, but, the way people talk about them, i don’t think they are.

pay no attention to lists: 40 books you should read before you’re four years old, 89 things you could do instead of eating pizza, two people you should fall in love with before you get married, 12 reasons cheetos are  killing your love life. they’re all bullshit. it’s important to stop listening to the internet; only you can decide what is important and what is not in your life.

prioritize your entertainment: books over catfish, knitting over catfish, going out for a drink over catfish. maybe just stop watching catfish.

stop comparing yourself  to other people: someone will always be smarter, taller, blonder, funnier, nicer. use those people as role models and inspiration instead of road blocks.

think before you: speak, text, or speak: while your lack of a verbal filter can sometimes be a positive, many times it is not. just be quiet.

forgive those who need to be forgiven, but do not compromise your feelings or morals to accommodate someone else’s conscience. you don’t owe anyone anything but honesty and a bit of understanding.

write, more: so you’re not sure if you want to be a journalist in the most traditional sense. but if no one, not even the internet, can figure out what or who a journalist really is, then just keep considering yourself a writer. it sounds more poetic, anyways. even if you’re not poised at a typewriter with some dark drink at hand and a wastebasket full of ink on crumpled paper, just write. pens and papers are just as efficient. reestablish your writer’s callus. your fingers are weak, and you should be embarrassed.

dance more: it makes you smile.

smile more: you’ll probably end up dancing.

stop making time for people who don’t make time for you. call your mom instead. she thinks you’re special, and she will tell you. over and over.

call your mom.

recognize that it is okay to feel the things you feel about the things you feel when you feel them. crying is okay. even in public. even with non-waterproof mascara on. even with no makeup on. even when you can’t breathe and you feel like you’re choking. it’s okay to be mad when you’re mad, just think about what you say or do before you say or do it. do not act in spite. if no one else is laughing, but you feel it, do it. it’s even okay to snort.

practice: practice everything, every day. one try does not a master make.

~

i think a lot of people talk about 2013 as the best year they’ve ever had. or it’s in their top three best years. what does that even mean? i barely remember the first 13 years of my life… while i’m sure they weren’t all the best, how does one give justice to those years without selling the most recent ones short? i think ’94 was a good year… wasn’t it for most? i don’t know.

anyways, i think that people put way too much emphasis on years. we live year by year instead of moments or experiences. while it sounds much more romantic to live by experiences, i realize that it isn’t necessarily realistic.

2013 was good to me for one very large reason. i have spent the majority of my life thinking i was a city person. born in the wrong place, wrong time period. meant for the city, decades ago.

this year, i moved to a city. i wasn’t even nervous. it took me less than 12 hours to feel like i had arrived. tipsy, wandering the streets before i’d even been introduced to some of my roommates. cliché as it sounds, i felt so carrie. i felt so belonged and comfortable. i felt so home. as if this place was waiting, just for me, to arrive. this is my greatest accomplishment so far. this is my proudest moment so far.