without words

titling something like this is extremely difficult for me. mostly because i’m not sure how to write about a topic like this – a topic like feminism – without being “that girl”. but, if you are my friend on facebook, and i think most of you are, you already know that i have a tendency to be "that girl" because i post a lot of feminist articles. a lot of pro-being-a-lady articles. because i am a lady, and i also happen to love lots of ladies, and i think that everyone should respect ladies. i also think that everyone should respect everyone, but right now i'm specifically speaking on ladies.

a few recent events in my life sparked the desire to write about my identity as a feminist. the most recent of those being my lack of interest in the workings of electronics. last christmas, my parents bought me a tv i wasn’t really interested in and hooked it up to a blu ray player (with netflix) that i have since fallen in love with. my dad set the tv up. my dad also changes the oil in my car, fixes soles of my broken shoes, and holds me when i’m sad. and he’s never forced me to participate in activities like changing the oil in my car (i would check it every week instead and fill it when it needed) or setting up a tv and blu ray player because he knew i. was. not. interested. i am still uninterested. not because those are “boy things” or male roles – because i could care less about how a car works unless it’s not getting me where i need to be. i only care about the tv’s functionality when it’s not working.

so when my identity as a feminist was (teasingly) challenged by some friends because i asked a male to set up my blu ray player, i got a little peeved and a little defensive. because i had asked a girl for help first (but she turned me down), and because i could do it myself – but i didn't want to. …does that make me a bad feminist? does that make me a feminist at all?

i would not consider myself a radical feminist. i don’t hate men. i don’t see men as the demise to a society that is constantly putting down women. i also don’t consider myself to be a lesbian, which is what someone in one of my classes at community college asked me when i said i was a feminist. i shave my legs. i also shave my armpits when i can remember. i like to wear dresses. sometimes i wear a bra, but when i don’t it’s not because i’m making a statement… it’s because i hate bras. i will spend a ridiculous amount of money on something that i can wear that makes me feel good about myself. i wear makeup – sometimes a lot, sometimes not a lot. i do not consider my sense of fashion a political statement. i wear baggy, loose clothes because they are comfortable, not because i don't want people looking at my body. i wouldn’t say birkenstocks are my #1. being a vegetarian has nothing to do with my feminist agenda or my sexuality.

and i do read a lot of feminist literature. but i don’t think i could every marry someone who didn’t identify as a feminist. i also find it increasingly difficult to be friends with people who don’t identify as even a little feminist or support a feminist movement. especially when they are female. to be an anti-feminist female just seems crazy to me. i also understand that unless someone has been directly impacted by some type of gender inequality it is difficult for them to identify as a feminist. this saddens me, because i do not believe it should take rape or eating disorders or a difference in paycheck for someone to support equality.

~this is the thing i struggle the most with, because as a feminist i think "HOW CAN YOU NOT SUPPORT WOMEN AND WOMENS RIGHTS. AREN'T YOU A WOMAN?" but as a true feminist, i know that i have to support every woman in her choice to identify however she desires.~

what is even more crazy to me is when people say that they think feminism is irrelevant because they don’t see the problems. they fail to see the issues. this is when i stay silent in conversations because i know this person is much too involved in their own life to have compassion and understanding for others, despite my facts, statistics, and argument. to say that women’s rights issues don’t exist would be similar to saying that gay rights issues don’t exist or that black people are treated equally. it would be like saying that women, in all capacities, are treated equally to men.

which might be true if we lived in a world where we could tell the difference between quotes from rapists and quotes from men’s magazines.

or if society would stop telling us what is pretty is what is ugly.

or maybe if we stopped listening.

it might be true if we started really listening to the victims instead of blaming them because of what they were wearing, what they had been drinking, and their sexual patterns… or lack thereof.

do you think women would stop apologizing if they felt empowered and confident enough to say what they want? or don’t want?

maybe if we stop telling each other that we are the rules, and not the exceptions we will truly start to see the beauty within. YOU ARE THE EXCEPTION, YOU ARE!

maybe if we start seeing miley as a twenty-year-old girl instead of a slut and a bad influence.

maybe if superwoman makes it to the big screen… maybe.

i never thought i was a feminist until i took a history class at community college on gender and sexuality. in this class, from an amazing woman, i learned about all of the efforts from so many women that have given me the rights i have today. i feel responsible to spread the message of equality for all – regardless of gender or race or sexual preference… things that never had definitions until we decided they needed them.

so i am #sorrynotsorry if you don’t agree with me. and i am #sorrynotsorry if you think my articles are radical, irrelevant, or annoying. because as a woman, and as a “one-out-of-every-five” woman, i will not be quiet. namaste.