why can’t “Good Girls” have sex and like it?

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i recently read an article on Literally, Darling, one of my favorite places to read about millennial hoopla from a millennial perspective, that upset me. It was this article, On Having Sex When You’re A “Good Girl,” that didn’t make me feel so good. i’m disappointed in the website for posting this story because, while it appears to be an interesting perspective of a girl who has been sex shamed by her family who overcame it and finally fucked her boyfriend, it is actually just a perpetuation of her family and society’s ideal that women aren’t supposed to enjoy sex.

so i’m left wondering, why can’t “good girls” have sex and like it?

“I am a good girl from a Catholic family,” the anonymous writer says. “I’m not a big drinker, I get good grades, and I’m close to my parents.”

she says that sex talk was never taboo in her family’s house, but that her mother would joke about the idea of her children having sex before marriage at the dinner table.

sex is not a taboo subject in my family. while sex is not a daily topic of my parent’s dinner table, it comes up. blowjobs, bad kissers, and dildos… we talk about it because sex is not a taboo subject in my family.

the writer says that after a year and a half of her relationship, she and her boyfriend had reached physical certain milestones that most couples reach within the first year. “everything, that is, except IT.”

so, in my mind, she’s done everything BUT vaginal (and anal, most likely, because… well, no thank you) intercourse. so there have been blowjobs, hand jobs, fingering and hopefully a little oral for her, too. but then she says something that contradicts “everything, that is, except IT.”

  

“Although I was far from completely innocent at this point in our relationship, I was still naïve. It wasn’t until my roommate casually brought up shaving that I realized, yes, you could shave down there as well. A quick trip to CVS and several lengthy minutes in the razor aisle facilitated my transformation from an 18-year-old virgin to an almost-20-year-old woman.”

there are many things that confuse me in this statement.

“Although I was far from completely innocent at this point in our relationship”

so you’re not completely innocent, but you still maintain some innocence? innocence in what? the crimes you have committed by participating in what is seemingly consensual “everything, that is, except IT”? consensual sex and “everything, that is, except IT” is not a crime.

“It wasn’t until my roommate casually brought up shaving that I realized, yes, you could shave down there as well.”

so, in doing “everything, that is, except IT,” your boyfriend has never seen or felt your vagina? your full bush vagina? and why are you grooming only in anticipation of vaginal intercourse? if he’s seen the vagina in full bush, and he still wants to have sex with you, then he probably doesn’t care whether you shave or not. 

“A quick trip to CVS and several lengthy minutes in the razor aisle facilitated my transformation from an 18-year-old virgin to an almost-20-year-old woman.”

WAIT, WHAT? since when does shaving your pubic hair make you look older? i started shaving my pubic hair when i was too young to really know what i was doing. everyone else was doing it, and i remember the look on my mom’s face when she realized what i was doing. she explained why pubic hair was natural, why it was good and healthy, and why i shouldn’t feel pressured to do something everyone else was doing.

little did i know it would come back into fashion by the time i turned 21, and i ignored her.

i could continue to dissect and complain about every aspect of this essay, hating it to its core, but the point of my complaints at all are to highlight my previously stated question: why can’t good girls have sex and like it?

i’m a good girl. i get stellar grades; i’ve always gotten really, really good grades. but i don’t really think that has anything to do with me being good. i love my parents. i have really great relationships with both of my parents. but i don’t think that has anything to do with me being good, either. i’m mostly on time, i’m a pretty good listener, i rarely lie, and i’m a modest dresser… but do all of these things mean i’m a good girl?

because i like sex. i enjoy having sex with people i love, and i enjoy having sex with people i don’t love. i like talking about sex almost as much as i like the act of having sex itself. but does this make me bad? can only bad girls enjoy sex, or can only bad girls enjoy sex and talk about it?

so, am i a bad girl or am i a good girl? or am i just a girl?