i call bullshit

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there is this, in my opinion, irrational idea about “the one.” i used to really believe in the idea of finding one person that was made for me; one person that knew me before they even met me. but now, in the wake of my singleness, i’m calling bullshit on the whole thing.

love is a choice. it takes a lot of work, and it can suck for long periods of time. i look at the relationships i am surrounded by most, and while there is a lot of love and positivity and honestly and respect and compromise, i’m sure there is a heaping pile of shit, past and present, that stinks it up every once in a while.

how do you know you are in love with someone? or, better yet, how do you know that you are going to love someone every single day for the rest of your life? how do you know that you will be able to commit to them? to choose love, even when you don’t want to?

someone once told me to find a man that makes me laugh and is good in bed. she actually said, “find someone who will fuck you hard, because it matters.”

it’s not exactly poetic, but it has justified a few less-than-noteworthy one night stands for me. he wasn’t the one because he was terrible in bed. it was easier than admitting that i failed to connect with someone on any other level, let alone a primal one.

“he isn’t ‘the one.’” i’ve justified too many times to count. or, another favorite, “he’s not ‘mr. right,’ but he is ‘mr. right now.’” seriously, i’m gagging right now.

and what happens when you think you’ve found someone you want to spend a significant amount of time with, but they don’t want that from you? what then? do you ignore what your gut tells you? i mean, if it can identify bad sushi, it can surely tell you when to swing and when to walk away, right?

i interviewed a young married couple for an article i wrote in one of my classes last spring. what they said has really stuck with me. they don’t believe in soul mates either. in fact, they both made pretty good points as to why the ideal of soul mates is a heaping load. what happens if your soul mate lives in another country? or worse, what if they live in your neighborhood, but you never cross paths? imagine that you both frequent the same tea or coffee shop, but at different times of day. THIS PERSON IS YOUR SOULMATE, and you miss them by five minutes every day…

so you end up marrying the person behind the tea counter, because you see them every day and they make you laugh. they may not be your soul mate, but they have a nice smile and you like to talk to them. you marry them because you know them. they may not be your soul mate, but they are present. and you choose to love them, despite the fact that they are not your soul mate. do you know this? or do you regard them as such because you chose them?

do we ever really know?

i guess charlotte had it right when she swore off the idea of having romantic soul mates.